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by Daniel H. Swerdlow-Freed, Ph.D.
An integral aspect of divorce involves the determination of where the children will live and what proportion of their time will be spent with each parent. Even in the best of circumstances, this decision is emotion laden and stimulates strong feelings in each parent and in their children. In the optimal situation, divorcing parents make these critical decisions themselves, sometimes with the assistance of their attorneys or a mediator. In situations where parents are unable to agree or where there are allegations of physical or sexual abuse, neglect, parental unfitness, or substance abuse, this decision may be turned over to the judge for final determination. When serious concerns have been raised about a parent's capacity to take care of the children properly, the entire family may be referred for a child custody evaluation. These referrals are typically made so the judge can receive additional detailed information about the parents and children to help determine custody and parenting arrangements that are in the best interests of the children.
A well-trained custody evaluator will ask to be appointed by the court as its independent expert, rather than agreeing to act as an advocate for one parent against the other. In this way, the evaluator is free to address issues that are in the best interests of the children and to provide the court with a balanced picture of each family member. Most parents are understandably concerned about undergoing a child custody evaluation. They may worry about the stress such a procedure will have on the children. They may be concerned about how to present themselves in the most favorable light. They may be anxious that their spouse will try to portray them unfairly, in a negative light. Perhaps the most unsettling aspect of these evaluations is that, without having been through one, parents do not know what to expect or how to prepare themselves or their children. In an effort to help parents cope with the uncertainty of child custody evaluations, we offer the following information.
A properly conducted child custody evaluation should begin with the court appointing a psychologist to interview all members of the family. Depending on the family's situation, this may also include meeting with a stepparent, fiancé, or live-in partner. The evaluation should consist of a series of interviews with both parents, alone and/or together, as well as with the children who are old enough and have the requisite verbal skills for this procedure. Each parent's respective interview should cover the same topics. During the interview, parents should be afforded the opportunity to discuss their concerns regarding the children and the other parent and to provide other significant information that relates to questions of custody or parenting time. Finally, if one parent makes a substantial allegation against the other parent, the accused parent is afforded the opportunity to respond.
We have found that parents approach these interviews with a variety of different attitudes and purposes. Some parents perceive the interview as an opportunity to detail each and every shortcoming of the other parent. They list one complaint after another and convey the attitude that every perceived fault demonstrates their spouse's complete lack of parental fitness. Others try to present themselves in an unrealistically favorable light by exaggerating their virtues and their dedication to the children. A third group seems better able to frankly assess their own and their spouse's parental strengths and weaknesses and convey these in a balanced, convincing way. Adults at either extreme do not want to acknowledge that all parents possess strengths and weaknesses and that virtually no parent is either all good or all bad.
Evaluations also typically involve an observation session of each parent together with the children in the examiner's office or at the family's home. Regardless of the setting, the purpose of observations is to provide the examiner with information concerning each parent's ability and capacity to interact with the children. Competent custody evaluators also gather information about parents and children from collateral sources, such as employers, teachers, therapists, or day-care providers. If the family has been involved with Protective Services or the police, information regarding these contacts would be reviewed in order to understand better the family's situation.
Psychological testing is another important source of information that is used to clarify parents' and children's emotional functioning. The tests that evaluators use may vary, but typically, they include measures that provide information on each adult's psychological status, the quality of parent-child relationships and the children's academic functioning and emotional well-being. Except in unusual circumstances, both parents should be administered the same tests.
What is the best way to prepare for a child custody evaluation? The first step is to accept the court's directive and cooperate with the evaluator. This means making yourself reasonably available for appointments, arriving on time and displaying a cooperative attitude. Remember that the examiner is trying to determine what is best for your children and your cooperation will help accomplish that objective. Some parents may resist complying with the court's order, usually because they anticipate an unfavorable recommendation or simply because they do not like being told what to do. In any event, being uncooperative or hostile creates a negative impression and reflects poorly on a parent's judgment and decision-making ability.
It is also a good idea to separate marital problems from parenting issues. In other words, even though your spouse may have mistreated you, lied to you or betrayed you, this does not automatically negate his/her love for the children or negate his/her parenting skills. At this emotionally stressful time, it is easy to focus on the pain caused by one's spouse, even though these concerns may not be directly relevant to the custody or parenting time issue. Venting your feelings on marital issues may make you feel better, but it may not be a productive use of time and may not provide the evaluator with the kind of information that is needed to determine what is in the children's best interests. Before presenting a specific complaint about your spouse, determine whether it reflects a marital problem or a bona fide parental shortcoming. If your complaint is primarily about a marital issue, it may be prudent to address it elsewhere. However, if you are concerned about behaviors that directly place the children in jeopardy, these legitimate topics should be brought to the examiner's attention.
It may be a good idea to prepare for interview by making notes about significant concerns and organizing any information that is going to be shared with the evaluator. Prepared notes help decrease anxiety because you will not have to rely entirely on memory. Also, providing independent data to verify your assertions lends credibility to expressed concerns and provides the examiner with a means of evaluating the proper weight to afford to an allegation.
Having prepared yourself for the evaluation, what can be done to prepare your children? If your child is scheduled for an interview, it can be explained that he/she is going to meet with a psychologist who is interested in finding out about him/her. This is often an adequate explanation for younger children. With older children, it could be further explained that the psychologist is helping the judge decide when the child will spend time with his/her mother and with his/her father. Finally, it is advisable to avoid programming children to communicate a particular portrayal of either parent. These efforts are often transparent and reflect extremely poorly on the parent who has unduly influenced the children.
Child interviews, like those with parents, tend to be structured, and cover topics including the child's relationship with each parent and siblings, attitudes toward school and friends, favorite activities and interests, and general aspects of everyday life. Most children discuss these topics without undue difficulty and experienced evaluators know how to calm children who express apprehension about participating in the interview. Finally, evaluations of children may include psychological and academic achievement testing, if needed.
Once the evaluation has been completed, most custody evaluators submit a written report detailing their findings and recommendations to the judge and to the attorneys. The report contains considerable information about the parents and children, the children's unique needs and the way that each parent satisfies those needs. In ideal situations, the examiner's recommendations provide the basis for a settlement. If the case proceeds to trial, however, the evaluator can be called as a witness by either parent to explain the conclusions and recommendations presented.
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